Twitter Isn’t Unveiling Premium Accounts [Neverending September]

A trending topic on Twitter right now is “Twitter unveils new,” and the link goes to an article at a website apparently dedicated to humor, tech news, and gaming, amongst a few other topics.

The story, though it’s filed under tech news, appears to be a complete fabrication.  It sounds potentially realistic, though there are some cracks in the satire piece’s poker face towards the end of the article:

The details of the accounts are as follows:

• Sparrow ($5/month) – Users get 145 character limit, 5 extra random followers.

• Dove ($15/month) – Users get 160 character limit, 25 extra random followers, 1 random celebrity follower, auto-spell check, "Fail Whale" T-shirt.

• Owl ($50/month) – Users get 250 character limit, 100 extra random followers, 2 random celebrity followers, 30 minutes on recommended list, auto-spell check, "Fail Whale" hoodie.

• Eagle ($250/month) – Users get 500 character limit, 1000 extra random followers, 3 celebrity followers of their choice, 5 hours on recommended list each month, Twitter Concierge for Tweeting while user is asleep or busy (and more), auto-spell check, "Fail Whale" tuxedo, custom "Fail Whale" page when service is down.

While selling hoodies and tuxedos might be a viable business model for Twitter (I’ll refrain from making jokes here, since I’m ostensibly still in the running to help them make money), but there is no word on this in the Twitter blog, and given the context of the rest of the site, I don’t really feel the need to give them a ring for official comment at Twitter.

It does, though, sorta remind me of the dumb emails that used to get passed around on MySpace (and AIM. and Yahoo. and ICQ). “Pass this message on or your account will be deleted/you’ll hafta pay/Bill Gates won’t give you $1,000.”